garments of violence

“Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union. And what was God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless.” Malachi 2:15-16

Lets talk about violence. I can attest that divorce is violence. There is no getting around it. The image displayed here is perfect. That divorce is like a piece of clothing that you wear that wreaks violence on your whole person. And to take it a step further in this verse, it is specifically referring to the wife. That she is covered with violence.

I think some people can compartmentalize better or avoid the violence better but I have felt ever last bit of it. Maybe some people avoid the pain by filling it with another and I have no idea what is better. I wish for everyone going through divorce that they did not have to feel the pain. But if you are, know that it is because divorce is violent. Yes God redeems and brings happiness and contentment and forgiveness and grace, but the act of divorce is violent.

I cannot speak for my husband, mainly because I haven’t spoken to him in a real way for 5 months. I thought he would come home and tell me his reasons and get his things. I was dreading that day where he would move his things from our home. But that never happened and most friends say it never will. He left all the pieces of our life for me to try to figure out what to do with. Like do I box up his things for him and try to find where he is to send them? Important things he probably needs. Or will that make him angry? Or do I live with them until he decides he needs them?

I will tell you it happens. A man or woman who you have shared the most intimate and significant pieces of time with might one day completely disappear to never speak with you again. And they might completely turn off any sign of affection or care for your emotional well-being. I don’t know what is on the other end of that, what they suffer or do not suffer, I only know it is not easy and not better because they don’t contact you.

And if you are a person who has a significant conviction about a covenant marriage and are the only one fighting, bless your soul. My heart prays for you and your worth. I pray you feel valued and appreciated. I pray that even though every ounce of your self worth has been shaken from the core that you feel moments of strength and courage to carry on. I pray for restoration for you and your spouse. I pray that your efforts to restore your marriage are met with grace and not seen through a distorted lens. I pray that your spouse sees that marriage is worth saving and both of you are willing to change. I pray that you will have assurance and peace with how you approach saving your marriage. I pray for people and friends and family to admire what you are trying to do and to support you against all odds. I pray the past is not a hindrance and a new present begin. I pray that your marriage be a testament of God’s redemption and power and miracle. I want that to be your story and I believe it can be many peoples stories. I have not given up on you. I won’t give up on marriages that have an inkling of being restored.

And if your marriage is in good health, guard it with all your life. Make sure to spend time talking about what you would like to see in your marriage. Make sure to make love. Make sure to pray together and have dreams together. And learn to love all the trivial annoyances because I think you will miss them if they’re ever gone. And if there is significant problems please get help immediately. There is no time to waste.

I am still an advocate of marriage even if mine is over. I believe in its power and its love. And I also believe people can change. If you put efforts in changing for the better it will happen.