Rings.

Its been time. Approximately a year and some change. My wedding band remained on my left ring finger for some months. Then I moved the two bigger ones to my right ring finger but kept the small minimal gold one on my left. I internally believed it represented small hope. I couldn’t leave that finger bare. Then about 7 months in I moved my wedding bands back to my left ring finger. Then embarrassed to be in public, and having someone notice how crazy I was to believe in reconciliation after all sorts of terrible slightly unimaginable circumstances, immeasurable heart pain, and one one night stand with my ex husband where he texted me "sorry I was drunk that cant happen again."... I’ve never felt like a frat gal before, and I never want to again, so I moved them back to my right ring finger. It took a year and a month to put my great grandmothers plain gold wedding band on my middle left finger, and to remove the small minimal gold band completely. Its finally bare. Although its just one finger over. 

How does God compile a year of prayer? I don't think I've ever in my life prayed so consistently. Mostly talking sometimes asking. Sometimes repeating the same word and sometimes making up my own versions of gregorian chants as I walked up and down the creek behind my house. How does one make sense of the rings that played musical chairs on my fingers? I will let you know when I have an answer. Time has done its work of healing my heart. I have no illusions that I’m perfectly good and have let go of the illusion that my ex husband has/had good intentions for me. I do think I can offer service and myself to those around me again now. I’m not the person the person I most trusted at one time said I am. It took approximately one year and some change to see, feel and know that.